WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made an unprecedented foray into the Olympic sports world today, tweeting that the US Biathlon team will adopt AK-47 assault rifles for use in competition going forward.
The announcement provoked shockwaves throughout the insular world of the biathlon, a Nordic-style race that combines cross country skiing and marksmanship.
“Little guns are for losers!” Trump said in his 3 am tweet storm. The President’s interest in Biathlon reportedly began half an hour earlier, when he watched a late-night rerun of a 2018 NBC winter sports special.
“Stronger, faster US guns will thwart savage sicko skiers from very bad and terrible countries like Biafra and failing Sweden. Now they can never win a shooting contest with us! America First!” said the President.
Republican lawmakers rushed to affirm their support for the President’s proposal. “Americans need to maintain their competitive edge in all things military, commerce, and athletic. Which is why I support AK-47s for biathlon competitions across the board, on the national, collegiate, and high school level,” tweeted Rep. Aloysius Nuthatch (R. Mississippi), whose state has no biathlon or other cross-country ski teams.
Reaction from the biathlon world was swift and frantic. “I think the President is confused about the purpose of our sport,” tweeted Molly Mulhern, current US Women’s Individual 15K Champion. “We don’t shoot each other; we shoot at targets.”
“Targets are just a phony stand-ins for real people!” tweeted Trump. “Show these loser countries America is great—we have the Strongest and Most Powerful Guns and we will win the Biafalawn fight! #KAGA2020!”
“We may not be as big as football, but you still have no authority to change the rules of our sport,” tweeted Jake Hannigan, former two-time Men’s 15K Sprint champion.
Later this morning the President called for the dissolution of the USBA and the institution of a new governing body for the sport.
“The failing US Biathan association is past its prime,” tweeted the President. “Who brings a colonial musket to a gunfight? Sad! My new organization – the BABA USA- Bad Ass Biathlan Association USA will keep America safe from crazy sickos.”
“Next national league Bathlon competition featuring AK-47s, I predict the biggest crowd ever,” tweeted the President. “Shock and awe!”
Major Biathlon Rules Change
Moderators: pilkguns, m1963, David Levene, Spencer, Richard H
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
Clearly Fake News. Everybody knows that AKs are Russian rifles. The actual plan is to ditch the foreign-made .22 Anschutz rifles in favor of the all-American M-14. :-)
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
crazy as it sounds wouldn't surprise you would it? he knows more than his generals
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
I was afraid that the change would be to skiing on fake snow over a video simulated course while shooting laser rifles. With mixed pairs of course.
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
I was hoping that the rule change would force Dorothea Wierer to defect to the USA where she would have to give shootin’ on the fly lessons to old fat guys like me. Hey, it’s called Goal Setting!
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
I see we're both living in the exact same false realm of reality.
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ShootWithStyle
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Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
Hey! Doesn't Ms. Wierer speak three or four languages? Seems like I have heard her in German, English and of course Italian. Impressive on the course and in interviews!
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ShootWithStyle
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Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
Dorothea is from Bruneck which is in the north of Italy very close to Austria and Liechtenstein. So they all grow up speaking both Italian and German. She actually speaks Italian with a German accent.
The great majority of the biathletes on the IBU World Cup Circuit are multilingual. I also speak several languages so when I was at the IBU World Cup I was able to speak to the French, Germans, Austrians, and Italians in there native language. I was lucky to be there as a guest of U.S. Biathlon so I had more access to the athletes than is normally possible.
My complete photo album from that week can be found here:
https://photos.app.goo.gl/s8dbDS5nLVHTK4hy5
JV
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
Very interesting! Thank you JV, but don't be trying to distract me from Dorothea with your multilingualness :-p
Re: Major Biathlon Rules Change
WOW! Who would have thought there were so many cunning linguists on this site.
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ShootWithStyle
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 10:49 am