TargetTalk

I tell this story to my old friends here who have the wisdom to understand.
Others may learn from it.

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the store.
I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home to practice
with my air pistol.

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous
blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less breasts almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice,
“I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

 I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer you got?”

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

While we're getting philosofical:

Beware of a horse's back and a woman's front!

Three old guys (about Rover's age, maybe a little younger) are sitting at the coffee shop kvetching about getting old.

First guy: "Man, it's hell getting old. I wake up 5:30 every morning, have to take a leak. Go into the bathroom and stand there for 15 minutes and nothing but a dribble."

Second guy: "You think that's bad? I wake up at 5 o'clock, have to drop a deuce, go into the bathroom and sit there for half an hour grunting and twitching and not much more than a couple of rabbit turds."

Third guy: "You guys have it good. 6:00 every morning, I pee like a racehorse. 6:30, I crap like a Christmas goose."

First and second guys: "So what's the problem?"

Third guy: "I don't wake up until 9."